A smorgasbord of silliness
Four things I'm thinking about right now.
One
I was gifted with some incredible gossip today that has passed through so many people1 that I would be shocked if even one sentence of it were true. But it was both juicy and allowed me to say the brand-new-to-the-world sentence, “It’s the Spider-Man pointing meme of failed polyamorous relationships,” so I really could not care less whether it’s true or not.
I also had to draw a flowchart to show my husband how everyone involved wound up knocking boots in unstable combinations that eventually caused the entire romantic structure to collapse. Truly, when your main and side relationships involve enough people to field a basketball team, you have dangerously overextended yourself.
Two
My hometown paper is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Where else can I read an article about the spring opening of the Dairy Queen? (An article they write anew every year!) Or one pulled from the archives about a man who thought he could stop the ocean with some sand and a bulldozer?
But my favorite bit every week is the baby names. So for no reason other than that, I will now be including This Week’s Martha’s Vineyard Baby Names as a regular feature here.
Please welcome to the island and the planet: Hudson, Antonio, Luma, Genesis, Ayla, Emmett, and Nova2.
Three
Meanwhile, it has just hit Twitter that Kelis3 is dating Bill Murray4 and you know what? If we have to live through a climate apocalypse, this is exactly the kind of bonkers shit I expect—nay: demand!—the universe provide as distraction.
Four
I’m so glad Taylor Swift waited to dump Matty Healy until I’d called him a sentient loogie. That feels like a real accomplishment. Poor Matty5 he didn’t even make it a quarter of a Hiddleston.
Man, thinking about Hiddleswift makes me realize that we’d all really forgotten about the Swift Relationship PR Tilt-aWhirl, hadn’t we? Y’all remember how it used to be like this with her all the time? And, given the number of stories citing “sources close to Taylor”6 that have come out about this four-week-long relationship, it appears we’re back to minute by minute updates on Taylor’s thoughts & feels. Gossip writers everywhere are popping bottles.
My favorite “insider” so far was whomever spoke to Page Six (h/t to Drinks with Broads for pulling this amazing quote first):
“Everyone who really knows her has been saying all along that this was a fun, good time thing that would last as long as it lasted and would be no big deal once it was done,” an insider told us following news of their breakup Monday.
“It’s all stupid,” they said of the media frenzy surrounding the former couple.
“She will not be writing albums about this one. It was a summertime thing. Does everyone have amnesia about Tom Hiddleston? Jesus Christ.”
Who do we think this is? With zero evidence whatsoever, I am going to guess Margaret Qualley, who is engaged to Jack Antonoff, and was probably entirely over both Taylor and Matty roughly 48-hours after they started dating. (I am assuming here that Margaret Qualley is like me in this regard, which is a poor assumption given that she is marrying a man that I think of as the human embodiment of grocery store music.)
I have no ending to this post, but I have Feist stuck in my head. And now you do too!
It comes from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of the people involved.
Nova is my first cousin, twice removed (I think)!
Maker of milkshakes.
Buster of ghosts, grounder of hogs., etc.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Tree Paine doing funny voices.